Willow Weeps
by elitzi2002
Summary: Willow writes a laetter to Tara explaining her actions,set after "Grave"


Dear Tara You don't really know how much I miss you. Right know I'm not in Sunnydale anymore. I'm in England. I bet you're thinking, "what is Willow doing in England?". Well Tara, it all started the day that jerk Warren shot you and took your life. It was more than any other feeling that I had. More then when Oz left me or even when Buffy had died. I had all these emotions just thrown at me. Sadness, Anger, Confusion, but the one that hit the spot, then one that made me more then pissed off was vengeance. I forgot about the whole promise to stay away from black magic and let it all flood back.  
  
I contacted the keeper of gates of death to bring you back, not knowing that Warren had shot you and that you were taken in natural order. He refused to bring you back Tara!! You of all people, the most beautiful person in my life! The rage in me surfaced and I screamed, feeling more anger then ever before. I couldn't help it ,  
  
I went outside very quickly and Xander had told me that me that Warren had been there. And he had gotten Buffy to! Oh Tara, I couldn't stand the pain and anger and me. Not only had he shot you, he had shot my best friend! I knew he couldn't take one more life.  
  
I went to the magic shop where Anya sensed something was wrong and she tried to stop me, saying that wasn't the way, but I ignored her and materlized all the from the loft on the table and slowly deepened my hands INTO the books, letting the power and words of black magic creep up my skin. At that moment it felt so soothing and calming. As if vengeance was my comfort feeling.  
  
It turned my eyes and my hair pitch black. My next stop was the hospital where I wanted to save my best friend friend. The lights flickered on and off as I entered the room, and I ordered the doctors to leave. There was Buffy, the girl that had died more the once, and I wasn't about to let her die again. I walked toward her and took the bullet out of her shoulder. Xander was panicked, yelling  
  
"She's gonna die Will!" But I took the bullet out of her and she blinked and she was alive! But I kept staring at the bullet and saying" It's so small" From then on I asked Xander if he could drive me somewhere, and he did. But he hesitated and stopped driving, but I magicked it into drive by it self, I had sensed Warren near by. When  
  
I approached the bus where Warren was, I was frustrated, the bitch had made a robot of himself to trick me. I teleported into your old dorm room and used the shirt that I had been wearing when you had been shot and I made the blood into a map to show me where the real Warren was hiding. I found him, deep in a forest. Stupidly he had some tricks up his sleeve but I tortured him, I stitched his lips up and made him see his mistake, killing his girlfriend Katrina as a illusion. He told me he was sorry, but believe me, sorry would not cut if for what he did. I killed him,  
  
I don't want to go into details, I think you already knew how that happened. Not long after I killed Warren, Buffy and Xander, along with Anya saw me, and all I said was,"One down," and disappeared. My next intention was on killing Jonathan and Andrew. Little did I know that Anya has been there before and managed to get the boys out. Again, I screamed with fury and pain. After that, Xander stole a police car and Buffy and the nerds went for a ride.  
  
I hopped on top of a truck and started moving the driver towards them, bumping into them, but I felt my power getting the best of me and draining. I felt powerless, but I knew  
  
I was going to be re-charged. I go back to the guy who got me into black magic, the sleaze Rack. He starts talking crap, about how "I used to smell like strawberries, only know that I'm ripe".  
  
I got pissed off and I drain him of his power. Before I know, it Dawn shows up and tries to talk to me. I ignore her and ask her. "Do you miss Tara?" she looked at me with a expression of shock on her face. "of course I do." she replied. I laughed. "Did you cry?"  
  
Know she looks horrified. I keep ranting, telling her how all she was is a big whiny girl and all she does is curl up and cry in her own little world. Then I tell her," Would you like to be that big mystic ball of energy you were once were Dawnie?" She looked sad and tells me to stop it, that this isn't the way. Just then Buffy burst into the door, reminding me of the old Willow, I cut her off and tell her not to call me anymore Willow, that the old Willow was nothing, and telling her the only thing that did make me Willow, was you.  
  
The only moments when you would look at me would make me happy. That I used to feel wonderful, but that you were the only one Tara. I move them magically into the Magic BoX and keep on talking, then stop and look at the nerds, and try to kill them. But something was stopping me, a binding spell, someone was chanting and keeping me from doing magic. I get pissed off and ask who was doing it. It had been Anya, who was behind a shelf reciting the spell, the only book  
  
I hadn't sucked dry. I broke free from the spell and advanced towards Buffy, she hesitates for a moment and looks me square in the eyes and says, "Willow, I really don't want to hurt you." I grinned at her and told her that she really had to get her ass kicked.  
  
Buffy tells me to "bring it on, and that she'll show me what a slayer really is." I just laughed at her and I attack her. I never really knew I was such a good fighter!! Okay, that really wasn't a joke but anway, I grabbed Anya and threw her back towards the bookshelf, smirking and saying "No one can stop me now" Before I know it, a green light threw me back and Giles steps in saying, "I'd like to test that theory."  
  
I get up and laugh, but he tells me to sit, and I was magically forced back down. I laugh and tell him that I can't stop and that I had had some geeks to kill. He threw some magic at me and suspended me in the air. I w0ke up a few seconds later and looked at Anya, who was cleaning up the mess. I tell her telepathically to let me out, that it wouldn't hurt.  
  
I laughed and walked in to the training room where Giles and Buffy were talking. I magicked some weapons and thew them at Giles. He moved a dummy to block him. I was still in the Magic Box, and Giles was telling me how I could have all the power that I want, but that he could still hurt me, and then out of the blue he metions you, saying "I wonder... What would Tara say about that?"  
  
I eye him and stared at the upper loft, sending all the books flying and buried Giles into the rubble. Buffy stared at me in pure shock, and I Just grinned and conjured up a ball of fire, and told Buffy that the fire ball could go to where the geeks where and kill them. Buffy stared and Giles looked up and ordered Buffy to go after the ball of fire, she wavered a bit and the finally sprinted toward it.  
  
I look at Giles and grin, slamming him up and down the wall, while he was up, he yelled a spell and sent ME flying back. I looked at him and told him that it was very rude that he had interrupted me. While I was on the floor, I had the most amazing feeling in the world, totally supercharged with all the magic floating into my veins, a feeling that felt like I was joyriding in black magic. But then it became unbearable.  
  
I felt that I could feel everyone in this world and nauseous painful feeling surged through me. I stopped and looked back at Giles, who was very bloodied. I looked at him and told him that "You poor bastards, you're suffering has to end." and I left. I arrived at this temple where I wanted to end this world Tara,  
  
I wanted everyone to suffer like I was at the moment. I start talking telepathically to Buffy, saying she cant stop me, that she should just go down fighting, and let all the pain just end. I started chanting the spell. Xander suddenly shows up, cracking his stupid jokes when I wanted to do was end the world at that moment. I tell him to just leave me alone, but he starts to come closer, saying something that really tore me up inside. And I'll never forgot what he said,  
  
" First day of kindergarten you cried 'cause you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion but the thing is, yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. You wanna kill the world you start withme. I've earned that." That's what changed me, but at the moment, I really didn't even want to listen to him, I started lashing out magically on his skin, but he refused to give up and coming toward me saying.  
  
"I love you Will" I told him to shut up, and all the black magic in me was drained, I cried and fell into his arms and started pounding on him as my eyes and hair returned to normal. So that's it Tara, all the pain and confusion of one little thing can make you destroy almost the whole world for the loss of a loved one.  
  
And I'm really trying to take it step at a time. But I really don't even know where my own life is headed with you gone. You were everything in me, my morning. You were there for me when Buffy died, and when things got ugly for the Scooby Gang. All the problems of life would go away for that second that you would look at me. You would make me feel better. You made me feel like myself. And you don't know how much I really regret doing this, hurting the people I love and actually killing a innocent. The road for me right know is going to be tough, but I know I can make it because you would want me to. And I really never got to really properly say Thank You. Thank You. And please keep watching over me.  
  
Love Always, Willow Rosenburg 


End file.
